WE NEED TO BE CAREFUL WHEN WE SPEAK TO TRAUMA IN OVERLY SIMPLISTIC WAYS

When we say….. “when I’m harsh to myself and say I can’t expect others to be kind to me” or “when I don’t know how to meet my own needs how can I expect others to meet them”.

Of course we know we have to heal for change to occur, and it’s vital that when this is spoken about, we understand and speak to the complexity of yet to healed hurt and trauma.

When we say you are the reason something doesn’t work, we shame rather than support someone. Shame prevents change and in the instances where it looks like it does occur something somewhere in us needs to harden.

When we say instead, you have experienced pain at the hands of another and younger you adapted in some way, or made meaning from the experience that was profoundly wise at the time. We stop making our younger self wrong and as a result open the door to change.

When we place sole responsibility for our lived experience on the individual, we also miss the relational parts, that are critical to supporting healing and change.

Individualistic languaging around healing is embedded and influenced by a disconnected, materialistic and capitalistic orientated paradigm that places the individual at the centre at the expense and loss of the whole and the community.

We need to be very careful when we start using languaging that looks like

self responsibility

lead yourself

heal yourself

be self sufficient

…because it places us in an isolated and alone place as well as leaving out collective and lineage trauma.

We not only need each other, the other is pivotal to healing, because hurt happens in relation, and so needs to be healed in relationship.

When we feel unlovable …the combination of holding the pain of not being loved and receiving unconditional love and acceptance enables us to finally heal.

We need one another, and the critical part is we cannot give to ourselves something we have never received.

This is why therapy is so profoundly important because when I work with people along with many other elements I stand in a place that enables enoughness to be restored, internalized safety to develop and a care and softness towards self to emerge because it is received from the outside first.

Healing is relational, it’s is never an alone journey and it is a being with rather than doing. I’m here is you need support.

Much Love,

Megan